And it came to pass that a wise man entered into the Kingdom of the European Parliament and he did speak in eurosceptic tones, and the people were afraid. For he was a pontificating Pope and the restless populace might take him seriously.
"You were not supposed to say those things", admonished his host, Schulz the Shifty, who was federal with rage and had only invited him unto the European Parliament in the interests of positive branding.
"You are a pesky Pontiff" he fumed. "You were meant to just be holy, see?"
"Fear not Schulzy", said Juncker of Berlaymont Towers, who was better known as Juncker the Mighty of Luxembourg (wherein he did increasingly spend his time).
"Verily the Pope did speak some wisdom in highlighting the growing perception (for that is what it is) of moribund institutions going up their own bureaucratic fundaments. It is indeed very annoying, but be not afraid - such purple Papal prose will count for little amongst the great unwashed, such is the lot of the meek in manner."
But, verily, Shulz the Shifty was not appeased, declaring: "Would that one could say the same concerning the ravings of Farage the fearsome!"
And slowly it did become apparent that the words of the Pope, though meek in manner, did linger in the minds of many stakeholders.
And wiseacres did nod knowingly, recalling another Pope who, in ancient times, had addressed the very same institution, causing much disturbance by his attendance.
For that poor Pope had uttered less than one opening sentence of greeting when he was smote with words from a vexatious and foul-mouthed MEP who hurled abuse and was ushered from that meeting place as fellow MEPs did hurl their very order papers in his face - a traditional and vicious form of rebuke towards one of their own.
And that occasion in 1988 did trigger many unwelcome and embarrassing headlines, although the Pope had stood his ground and did finally speak his speech, none of it of eurosceptic bent. Indeed, that Pope did declare Europe to be a "beacon of civilisation".
And so Shulz had cause to thank his lucky stars that the latest piece of European parliamentary Papal pomp passed peacefully, albeit leaving some eurosceptic egg upon his own countenance. And in his most private moments, and only then, he did question Europe's ability, in troubled, challenging times, to remain a beacon of civilisation across all platforms.
Thus were all those in the highest reaches of the Europhiliac palaces of Brussels restless and unsettled.
For they had been recently installed on a ticket of "Yeah, Verily, This Time it Is Different" and yet they knew that it was still the same. And everyone else knew it too. Including the Pope.
Was not Shulz the Shifty from the centre-left still occupying the highest office in the European citadel despite the majority voice of the centre-right?
And was not Juncker the Mighty cut from the very cloth of his predecessor Barroso in manning the barricades of the Berlaymont?
And did not Tusk the Titan, newly-begotten son of Justus Lipsius, face the same turf wars with his combative counterparts as ever was?
And was there not much talk of jobs and of growth and of investment and of doing less and yet of doing it better? And had there not always been?
So thus it goes, with added Catholicism.
But wait. For now doth enter the fray a former Archbishop of Canterbury from the Kingdom of United, who, seeing the kerfuffle stirred by the Pope, did remark unto himself, "Truly, there is no such thing as bad publicity".
So saying, this prelate did jump upon the bandwagon, pronouncing that disenchantment with the Union of Europe was to be laid at the door of "a "slow-burning frustration" with European regulations and court rulings plus a growing sense of nationalism. Furthermore, he did say that the EU had lost some of its "moral energy".
And thus were begotten more negative headlines and the holders of high European office did grasp their heads in anguish and did wail: "That will teach us to engage in dialogue with faith leaders despite the fact that religion is beyond the remit of the EU Treaties and shall remain for ever more a matter of the utmost subsidiarity, for which, given current circumstances, we thank all the gods!"
Here endeth an important lesson.
"You were not supposed to say those things", admonished his host, Schulz the Shifty, who was federal with rage and had only invited him unto the European Parliament in the interests of positive branding.
"You are a pesky Pontiff" he fumed. "You were meant to just be holy, see?"
"Fear not Schulzy", said Juncker of Berlaymont Towers, who was better known as Juncker the Mighty of Luxembourg (wherein he did increasingly spend his time).
"Verily the Pope did speak some wisdom in highlighting the growing perception (for that is what it is) of moribund institutions going up their own bureaucratic fundaments. It is indeed very annoying, but be not afraid - such purple Papal prose will count for little amongst the great unwashed, such is the lot of the meek in manner."
But, verily, Shulz the Shifty was not appeased, declaring: "Would that one could say the same concerning the ravings of Farage the fearsome!"
And slowly it did become apparent that the words of the Pope, though meek in manner, did linger in the minds of many stakeholders.
And wiseacres did nod knowingly, recalling another Pope who, in ancient times, had addressed the very same institution, causing much disturbance by his attendance.
For that poor Pope had uttered less than one opening sentence of greeting when he was smote with words from a vexatious and foul-mouthed MEP who hurled abuse and was ushered from that meeting place as fellow MEPs did hurl their very order papers in his face - a traditional and vicious form of rebuke towards one of their own.
And that occasion in 1988 did trigger many unwelcome and embarrassing headlines, although the Pope had stood his ground and did finally speak his speech, none of it of eurosceptic bent. Indeed, that Pope did declare Europe to be a "beacon of civilisation".
And so Shulz had cause to thank his lucky stars that the latest piece of European parliamentary Papal pomp passed peacefully, albeit leaving some eurosceptic egg upon his own countenance. And in his most private moments, and only then, he did question Europe's ability, in troubled, challenging times, to remain a beacon of civilisation across all platforms.
Thus were all those in the highest reaches of the Europhiliac palaces of Brussels restless and unsettled.
For they had been recently installed on a ticket of "Yeah, Verily, This Time it Is Different" and yet they knew that it was still the same. And everyone else knew it too. Including the Pope.
Was not Shulz the Shifty from the centre-left still occupying the highest office in the European citadel despite the majority voice of the centre-right?
And was not Juncker the Mighty cut from the very cloth of his predecessor Barroso in manning the barricades of the Berlaymont?
And did not Tusk the Titan, newly-begotten son of Justus Lipsius, face the same turf wars with his combative counterparts as ever was?
And was there not much talk of jobs and of growth and of investment and of doing less and yet of doing it better? And had there not always been?
So thus it goes, with added Catholicism.
But wait. For now doth enter the fray a former Archbishop of Canterbury from the Kingdom of United, who, seeing the kerfuffle stirred by the Pope, did remark unto himself, "Truly, there is no such thing as bad publicity".
So saying, this prelate did jump upon the bandwagon, pronouncing that disenchantment with the Union of Europe was to be laid at the door of "a "slow-burning frustration" with European regulations and court rulings plus a growing sense of nationalism. Furthermore, he did say that the EU had lost some of its "moral energy".
And thus were begotten more negative headlines and the holders of high European office did grasp their heads in anguish and did wail: "That will teach us to engage in dialogue with faith leaders despite the fact that religion is beyond the remit of the EU Treaties and shall remain for ever more a matter of the utmost subsidiarity, for which, given current circumstances, we thank all the gods!"
Here endeth an important lesson.
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